Unbreakable

P, being a true believer of the aliens, conspiracies, etc, ensures that one of the constants at our humble home is Unsolved Mysteries. Yes, all of the re-runs on Lifetime for Women from the 1980's are recorded diligently, watched, and studied. The subject of tonight's episode / lesson was "Diabolical Minds". This included the black widow; in this case, a woman who poisoned her victims for cash money...

P: That's BULLSHIT!!
Me: What is?
P: You don't have to die, he's WEAK!
Me: She poisoned him.
P: It only worked cause he's depressed! If someone poisoned me, I'd be fine. My mind would take over!
Me: It's poison, you'd die.
P: No! I'm like Rasputin! I would know, and it wouldn't work, you have no idea.
Me: Do you even know how your body works?
P: I know how my mind works, and it's powerful, it can overpower poison.
Me: Poison shuts down your organs, you...nevermind.
P: I'm like Rasputin, you'll see when I don't die.
Me: Ok, dude, poison doesn't work on you.
( about 30 seconds of silence )
P: Do you think balloons go into space?
Me: What!? HAHAHAHAHAHHAAH

He can read minds!

P: You know, when I'm stoned, I can tell what people are thinking.
D: Really? How?
P: Like when someone starts a sentence, I know how it's going to end.
D: Wow. So if you were stoned, you would be able to tell me the end of this; "You are a fucking..."
P: Ummm.......THE MAN!
D: Whoa. You're right, I was going to say "You are a fucking The Man".
P: I told you.

Performance Anxiety

P: When I was 16, I used to work handing out pretzel pieces in the mall.
Me: That sounds like fun.
P: Yeah, there was this girl there that I liked, so I told her I could move things with my mind.
Me: That would do it for me.
P: She asked me to show her.
Me: Well, yeah.
P: See, but I told her that because I thought I really could if I tried hard enough.
Me: Did you show her?
P: Oh, it ended up I couldn't do it, so I told her I'd show her later. It sucked.

The Tron Project - DAY 6

We have a nibble!! Two Trons and 6 days later, we're starting to get some reaction from P. Just when I was starting to believe that I would need to start taking lithium to continue the experiment, P has begun making what I can only describe as "dog jerks it's head after hearing something" movements when the Tron chirps. The P is confused. Looking to me for a reaction, and of course finding none, P returns to his video game after each chirp. Well done Tron, well done. To avoid scaring off P, I've deactivated the Trons until tomorrow when after their rest, they will return to full annoyance levels.

In addition to Tron success, the P was gracious enough to reveal another one of his superpowers to a group of us today at lunch.

P: You know, being able to move things with your mind, it's real.
Me: Ok. Here's my drink, dude, move it.
P: Well, I can't do that, all I can do is make small clouds dissappear.
Me: That has got to be the coolest superpower I've ever heard of. Do it! Do it!
R: There's no clouds.
J: Damn, you are good.

My Superhero Roommate

Ok, when things are in all caps, it's because he is yelling at the top of his lungs. He gets very, very angry at the television. At random things like this, and for some odd reason Sonic Burger commercials.

Watching T.V. - Some guy jumps off of a bridge and commits suicide.

P: That's BULLSHIT!
Me: What?
P: He jumped into water, that wouldn't do anything! That's so STUPID! GOD!
Me: Dude, water will kill you.
P: Not if you fall in it. Haven't you ever gone swimming before?
Me: Are you serious? He jumped off a bridge that was like 200 feet over the water.
P: Doesn't matter.
Me: Water gets hard when you speed up, dude.
P: No it doesn't.
Me: It doesn't? You're saying it just doesn't?
P: I could jump out of a plane, and glide, and then when I got to water, I would skip across it, and then be fine.
Me: Wow.
P: Yeah. It's all in the mind, like if you fall off a building and you think you're going to break your leg, you break your leg.
P: Dude, are you serious with this stuff?
P: What do you mean?
Me: How are you still alive?