Chemistry

Ok. So now it's been a couple of days. I'm starting to accept that there is another creature in my house. After several years of nude jumping jacks being perfectly acceptable in my home, I've come to terms with the new rules ( metaphor people, calm down ). So apparently my guard is dropping a little bit because...

P: Hey, I want to tell you something.
Me: Ok.
P: ( leans in to kiss me )
Me: What the F*$@ are you doing?!
P: Ha ha! That's funny, right?
Me: No. No, that is not funny. It's weird and awkward.
P: Well, it was just a joke.
Me: Yeah, I'm sure it was...
P: I think it would be funny if you did that to me.
Me: Right, that's not going to happen.

Now honestly, what is in someone's head when this happens? I'm gonna fall over laughing and start a pillow fight or something? C'mon. Luckily, I am quite comfortable in my heterosexuality, but after two days I could easily be one of those dudes that would challenge the P to a good old fashioned round of fisticuffs. Please don't be a man-crush....please please please

Memories

Now, P had come to work for the company and was temporarily put up for a couple of weeks before moving in at the beginning of the year. Before that, I did not even know this human existed on the planet.

P: Hey, we go way back, right?
Me: I've known you for 2 weeks.
P: Yeah, but, I feel like I've known you for a lot longer.
Me: ...Ok.
P: Yeah, so...yeah, I just wanted to say that.
Me: .....That's weird dude.

It may be on me, but I just don't express feelings of attachment and familiarity to other dudes, well not without a liter of whiskey in me. It's starting to add up...

Full House

And so it begins. On January 6th, my new pet, "P", arrived. The previous "P" model had been rejected and forced to live elsewhere due to an insurmountable mismatch of personalities and habits. I'm kind of a morning person, not the most "outgoing", enjoy relaxing weekends, and he was a complete prick. It just wasn't gonna be a match. After assurance that the newer model was without similar defect, and would pay cash money for a now unused room, I finally gave up the "live by myself" lifestyle I had come to know and love to regress to a shared habitat. The first 24 hours were fine, but that seemed to be the maximum amount of time the crazy could be contained.

Me: Can you turn down the TV? It's kinda loud.
P: Yeah. Hey.
Me: What's up?
P: You know Stephanie from Full House? I used to have a crush on her and wrote her a letter. I cried to my mom because she didn't write back.
Me: ...What? That's weird dude.

Yes, just a little "weird", but looking back, it was the canary in the coal mine. Keep in mind that out of 5-10 freaky ass comments, only the appropriate or most random make it here.