Tuesday, April 24, 2007

2012

One of P's favorite conspiracy genre theories is that the world is going to end in 2012. Validation came last night while watching Heroes.

Subtitle: 5 years from now...
Hiro: The bomb, it went off...

P: HOLY SHIT!!!! 2012! I TOLD YOU!!
Me: It's a tv show.
P: I'M A FUCKING GENIUS!
Me: Guess so. You know, maybe they're just playing into that whole 2012 thing.
P: NO! It's a sign.
Me: You're probably right...

Monday, April 23, 2007

Miracles and Modern Medicine

Unfortunately, I was only on the listening side of the phone call, so the conversation is one sided...

P: Yeah, she was great.
........
P: Yeah, I would recommend her.
........
P: Yeah, I feel so much better, it's like my lungs are filled with air!

Performance Anxiety

P: When I was 16, I used to work handing out pretzel pieces in the mall.
Me: That sounds like fun.
P: Yeah, there was this girl there that I liked, so I told her I could move things with my mind.
Me: That would do it for me.
P: She asked me to show her.
Me: Well, yeah.
P: See, but I told her that because I thought I really could if I tried hard enough.
Me: Did you show her?
P: Oh, it ended up I couldn't do it, so I told her I'd show her later. It sucked.

Saturday, April 21, 2007

I got no legs

C: Yes, kind of like the one by the restaurant we went to...
P: It would suck not to have any legs, huh?
Me: Yeah.
P: I mean, no legs, can you imagine?
Me: That would suck.
P: Here I am worrying about a car when there's people out there with no legs.

Monday, April 16, 2007

The Pick up Artist

I needed a little entertainment for the night, so a bar hopping I was to go. It was suggested that I take P along. Why not? Hijinks were surely to ensue. We arrived, we sat, we drank, and sure enough, groups of females began to arrive. One particular group of three was within 10 feet of us for about 30 seconds before P was beside himself.

P: I'm gonna go talk to them.
Me: Go!
P: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Me: .......k
P: OH! I got it!

P: Hey, so, ummmmm.....you girls decided to go out tonight?
G: Uh, yeah.
P: I'm Canadian. Someday I want to go to Oregon cause that's where they filmed The Goonies.
G: Wow.

He's in! Magic! I have never seen anything like it. Soon, the "who'd you come with" brings me into the mix and we're all chatting away....Apparently, the crazy comes across as amusing and obviously harmless for the exact amount of time that is needed for me to be introduced, then attention shifts to the "sane" guy, yours truly. It's brilliant!! Anyways, P showed particular interest in one of the girls, and before I knew it she was asking me, "Where'd P go?"

Me: What? I dunno, maybe to go smoke or something...

10 minutes pass.....

G: Where's your friend?
Me: I dunno maybe he met some people....

10 more minutes pass....

TEXT FROM P: "I'm at home. I got scared."
TEXT FROM ME: "What? I'm still here talking to these girls"
TEXT FROM P: "I am interested in N. Can you get her number for me"
TEXT FROM ME: "I'll do my best"

Honestly, I couldn't make this up even if I tried.

Sunday, April 1, 2007

The Tron - Day 15 - Effing pay dirt

It's about fricken' time! First, the Tron...

Tron: BEEP!
P: WHAT IS THAT?!
Me: What is what?
P: BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! Always beeping! For two fucking weeks!
Me: What's beeping?
P: I don't know! The piano, I think. You don't hear it?
Me: Pianos don't beep.
P: I think you DO hear it.
Me: That? That's the TV, they're clinking their glasses.
P: No! Not that! The "BEEP". It beeps here, it beeps in my room, it beeps at the office.
Me: My piano beeps in your room and in the office?
P: ...No, I guess that can't happen.
Tron: BEEP!
P: That!
Me: What?
P: Nevermind, I guess it's nothing.
Me: You've been hearing beeping for two weeks, and it follows you, and you haven't said anything?
P: I was hoping that if I didn't say anything that it would go away and leave me alone.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Second score...

P: M!
Me: WHAT!?
P: Pennies! There's all these pennies out front!
Me: That's weird.
P: You put them there. You put pennies.
Me: Why would I put pennies?
P: Who put pennies!?
Me: I don't know!
P: There's pennies!
Me: You told me!
P: What does it mean?
Me: I don't know....but that's really weird...
P: Yeah.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA