Tuesday, February 20, 2007

He's Dreamy

P: So if you were with a really hot girl, and then she got naked and she was all furry, would you keep going?
Me: No.
P: Why not?
Me: Cause she's all furry.
P: Yeah, but she's really hot.
Me: No she's not, she's all furry.
P: I would. I'd let her pee on me too. But only in the shower.
Me: Yeah, cause otherwise that would be gross...
P: Yeah.

A Gender Identity Crisis Befalls Us

P: Hey, M. Hey, M. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, ...
Me: For the love of God, what?
P: I wish I had a vagina.
Me: Dude. What?
P: I wish I had a vagina.
Me: There's an operation for that.
P: NO WAY!!
Me: Yeah, you should check it out.
P: Whoa.

My Superhero Roommate

Ok, when things are in all caps, it's because he is yelling at the top of his lungs. He gets very, very angry at the television. At random things like this, and for some odd reason Sonic Burger commercials.

Watching T.V. - Some guy jumps off of a bridge and commits suicide.

P: That's BULLSHIT!
Me: What?
P: He jumped into water, that wouldn't do anything! That's so STUPID! GOD!
Me: Dude, water will kill you.
P: Not if you fall in it. Haven't you ever gone swimming before?
Me: Are you serious? He jumped off a bridge that was like 200 feet over the water.
P: Doesn't matter.
Me: Water gets hard when you speed up, dude.
P: No it doesn't.
Me: It doesn't? You're saying it just doesn't?
P: I could jump out of a plane, and glide, and then when I got to water, I would skip across it, and then be fine.
Me: Wow.
P: Yeah. It's all in the mind, like if you fall off a building and you think you're going to break your leg, you break your leg.
P: Dude, are you serious with this stuff?
P: What do you mean?
Me: How are you still alive?

Monday, February 5, 2007

Social Grace

P: Let's go to a strip club.
Me: A strip club? Ummm, if you really want to, sure.
P: Nevermind.
Me: Ok, you wanna go to a bar?
P: No, I don't want to go out now, I'm self-conscious.
Me: Of what?
P: My balls are too big.
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA